Dear Gastronemeus Soleus,

Sweetie, I know I never call you by your full name but I needed you to know how serious I am. Calf, honey, how could you? Sure, I was hopping over to get a glass out of the cabinet, trying to make myself look silly--but that was no reason to try to LEAVE ME! You've been with me my whole life--you know I'm silly; I have ALWAYS been silly.
Tearing away like that, well, it hurt. A lot.
Please come back Calfie. I can't go on without you.

(p.s. Muscle tearing in your calf muscle makes a very disturbing POP! I am still skeeved out by that noise. Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation baby!!!!)