Dear Gastronemeus Soleus,

Sweetie, I know I never call you by your full name but I needed you to know how serious I am. Calf, honey, how could you? Sure, I was hopping over to get a glass out of the cabinet, trying to make myself look silly--but that was no reason to try to LEAVE ME! You've been with me my whole life--you know I'm silly; I have ALWAYS been silly.
Tearing away like that, well, it hurt. A lot.
Please come back Calfie. I can't go on without you.

(p.s. Muscle tearing in your calf muscle makes a very disturbing POP! I am still skeeved out by that noise. Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation baby!!!!)

Son of a...

Last night in my slumbering happiness I heard the mousetrap go off. "Got One!!!" I thought triumphantly then proceeded to have bad dreams about a rat dying a horrible death.
*sigh*
All of it to NO AVAIL. Traps are EMPTY.

The war continues.

On to other news. My landlord is back on island because my crazy neighbor (remember? Kevin? Loony bin, etc.?)went back to Boston and my newer fun neighbors (who btw, keep feeding my dogs biscuits like they're fattening them up for slaughter. They feed me too...wait a minute.....:) kidding-they're awesome)will be moving to the smaller, less pricey apt.
Anywhoodle, I now know where the mice problem came from. Darn you Krazy Kevin!!!! The mice are running rampant in the apartment next door. It is very possible they hung out with him while watching television. It was only a matter of time before they snuck over.
Happy Weekend people!!!

Oh. My. Freakin'. God.

seriously. SERIOUSLY??!!
Guess who waved at me this morning.
Yep. Mr. Freakin' Mouse.

There he was, chillin yet again in my bathroom.
I should start using a sharpie on the little dudes to see if they are the SAME ONE.
Because I was able to catch it with the same pans as last night mouse.
And let's be honest--how many mice can be that freakin' stupid as to be caught by a half naked bleary-eyed human armed with only a saucepan and a frying pan at 6:17AM?? At least this time I wasn't fully naked. I say that because I unwittingly inflicted my tank top and underwear-clad ass on my neighbors as I stomped outside with this morning's mouse.

I am contemplating the poison route--however, around here that can really contaminate your water source (cistern) as the poison makes mice very thirsty before they die. And I am too much of a wuss to actually kill them when I catch them.

I know, but they're fuzzy. and kind of cute. WHEN THEY ARE NOT CRAPPING ON MY COUNTER.

Mouse War

I got home after work, showered, put on pjs, and settled in when my phone rang. Some people I know invited me out to dinner. Despite the fact that it involved me having to locate and put on clothes--I decided what the heck.
So out to dinner I went.
When I returned home I disrobed in the living room (oh the joys of living alone!) and went into the bathroom. As I flipped on the light switch there, in the sink, was THE MOUSE. Just sitting there, looking at me with a definite, "what's up? You were out late" expression. I made a frustrated noise sounding somewhat like the wookie from star wars and said, "don't move".
Oddly, it listened and I was able to capture the beastie in a pan.
Ok. Then the dilemma. Naked, no shoes, a mouse in a pan--no lid.
Opening the front door I flung him. He ran as fast as his little legs could take him.
Hope he was traumatized enough to stay away.
Dammit.

mouse

Dear Mouse,
I saw you, you jerk. You ran right past me twice--and I'm pretty sure the last time you stopped and flipped me off.
I was going to try to catch you and let you go, but I have cleaned your filthy fecal matter off my counter one too many times. Who poops on the counter?!?! Jerk.
So, I admit it, last night I bought the kind of traps that snap your little spine. And I'm feeling rather bloodthirsty about it--I ran downstairs this morning like it was Death Christmas. As I looked forlornly at my set yet empty traps you ran right in front of me, did a vault OVER the trap, and flipped me off on the landing. What. The. Hell?!?
This is war mouse.
This is war.

It. Is. In. My. Apartment.

I saw it. I saw the little disgusting poops on the counter. I saw the telltale nibble into my granola bar wrapper.
But tonight. Tonight I saw my arch enemy! He scurried next to my fridge. I have set two devious (okay, really not all that devious--just ur standard mousetrap really) traps for them and, since my husband before he left hid the peanut butter in a place I could not uncover (his belly?) I bated the traps with pepper jelly.
Who knows, maybe they are fans of pepper jelly.
Anyway. The furry little pooping bastards is GOING DOWN!

Also, important tip. When your laying in bed and you feel a little something on your arm. Turn on the light and look before you brush it of. It is never "nothing" here. Bugs love me. And want to spend an inappropriate amount of time on me.
Goodnight ya'll.

Therapy

I'm having a bitter day. I am filled with bitter.
Here's the thing-- Stupid facebook. I found a (stupid) guy that I had a (stupid) crush on from 5th grade (ooooh yeah, we are going back THAT far.) through 9th grade.
(Stupid) guy went and stayed cute (SO not fair--i've just gotten old) and we had a few nice messages back and forth and in his latest reply he goes on and on how he married the "woman of his dreams" and is living the "perfect happy life".
Wtf?
Don't get me wrong--i'm pretty freakin' happy myself. Happily married, good job, blah blah blah. But holy hell, anyone who spurns my youthful advances shouldn't be that happy with their life, right?
(Eek! I'm a jerk!) Just did my own therapy there.
Uh. Yeah. So. Anyway, the weather here is nice... :)
Thanks.
Beware of facebook!
-Heather

Well. Summer's over...

Remember that Sunday night feeling? That--"uh oh, I didn't study for the quizz I don't wanna go to school" feeling? I always got that at the end of August before school started again. Well, here I am a grown-ass woman and that feeling is back and I don't like it. My husband is off-island, I have no idea what is going on in regards to working here (contract is up? Possibly, probably, who knows...), and I'm tired.
This post is depressing. Sorry. I shall work on chipper tomorrow.
Hugs & Kisses!
-H.

The Sunset

Peace

I'm lying here on my deck hammock and it is a perfect night. It is not too hot, not too cold--balmy and breezy and the sun is setting. The trees surrounding the valley are lush with rain and my crazy neighbor has what can only be described as massage music playing. It is peaceful, calm, and what I wish every moment of my life could be.
Sadly, for I would love to live here for the rest of my days, I believe my time here is drawing to a close. The budget for my existence in St. Croix drains dry at the end of september and there doesn't appear to be a new well to draw from.
A wise (lazy?) person told me recently to be like water and follow the path of least resistance and I took that advice to heart. I will follow where this life takes me--what is meant to be will be.
For now, well, I am content to watch the sun set.

I am a dork.

Please, I know you all are aware of my dorkiness. I just feel the need to share this *particular* dorkishness. I have a hurricane tracking map. I am fairly certain it is meant for children. But every time I get an email update about any tropical storm (why yes, I have signed up to receive email updates from the national hurricane center--why do you ask?) I immediately grab my sharpie and map and plot the longitude and latitude to see where the lil' bugger is.
I am excited--it is my FIRST ONE!!! But I must tell you--whenever anyone sees my map--the mockery abounds.
Yesterday I bought a red cross solar/crank/battery powered radio (NOAA/AM/FM) that can also charge your cell phone! How freakin' cool is that?
I'm sure there will be mockery there too.
*sigh*

Completely Pointless Survey

Please allow me to point out that I know how lame it is to complete such surveys. I shall not judge your judginess (and feel free to complete this beast and send it back to me either in email or comments.)...

1. What time did you get up this morning?

My alarm went off at 5. At 5:45 I actually got up. Left at 6.



2. What is your favorite color?

I usually answer blue, but in reality my favorite color is a deep purply blue.



3. Do you like to read?

I could read every day all day. I love reading. I get lost in stories and when someone talks to me the real world always shocks the crap out of me.



4. Have you ever been in love?

Quite often. Disturbingly able to fall in love with almost anyone/everyone. That has been a little more inappropriate now that I am married. :)



5. How do you take your coffee?

Large and black. (that’s what she said!) That’s actually not true, I just wanted to make that joke. I like it with cream (or 2%) and delicious artificial cancer-causing non-sugar. Preferably splenda brand of non-sugar.



6. Do you eat breakfast?Yes. pepperoni pizza - yes I am aware I eat like a frat boy



7. Do you prefer sleeping alone? No, well, yes. but no. I guess in a perfect world where the bedroom was cold I would prefer to sleep with someone (probably my husband ;) ). But when it is freakishly hot--do not touch me. Additionally I am no fun to sleep with because I move around all night and steal most of the bed.



8. Do you smoke cigarettes? No, I don't like the smell. Additionally since I play with asbestos daily it seems imprudent.



9. Have you ever burnt your hair? No, cause I'm a slacker and scrape my hair into a ponytail daily. To burn it I would have to attempt to style it.



10. Do you sleep with a pillow? I sleep with 5 pillows. And occasionally a dog and lately a kitten.



11. What are your habits? Diet coke. I am die hard diet coke addict. It's an issue.



12. Do you want kids? I have absolutely no idea. Scares the crap out of me.



13. Are you an only child?No, I have a sister.



14. Do you like road trips? In theory--yes. In practice--they can become tedious and you can begin to hate everyone in the car with you.



15. Where do you work? I used to work for a medium sized company which got eaten by a giant company and then I was an employee for the giant company at far away at a giant oil refinery before the giant company got in trouble at the refinery and had to find a new company to work for if I wanted to stay which turned out to be me working as an independent contractor.



16. Do you brush your teeth in the shower? Yup



.17. What did you do tonight/last night? I read, ate dinner, watched tv, then bed.





18. Do you prefer being single, or in a relationship?? I guess relationship. :)



20. What is your deepest secret?I killed a man in Reno. With my bare hands.



21. Have you ever been cheated on? I have absolutely no idea



22. Once a cheater, always a cheater?Probably.



23. Pajamas or naked? depends on temperature and number of mosquitos.



24. What do you take when you have a headache? Advil and drink something with caffeine.



25. Roughing it or luxury hotel?Luxury.



26. Beach or pool?Pool at the beach.



27. Would you give your number out to a stranger?Yup



28. Ever hitch-hiked?Nope



29. Ever picked up a hitchhiker? Yup, but I have regretted it approximately 2 out of 5 times.



30. Roses or daisies?Roses.



31. Do you consider yourself conceited?Not in the very least.



32. Is your hair its original color?Yup



33. Do you wear makeup?Yup, not daily though.



34. Do you eat ranch with your pizza?Yup.



35. Do you believe in God? Many of 'em.



36. Do you have a crush on anybody right now?Nope



37. Does he/she know it? n/a



38. What was the last thing you ate? Refinery breakfast
40. Where is your favorite place to be? In bed, when it's chilly, all covered up and reading a book

41. Do you think you're attractive?I don’t, but I’m spending lots on therapy to change that.

42. Are you allergic to anything? Amoxicillin. I get itchy and hivey

43. Ever had your heart broken?Yea, but when I look back I’m like “why the hell did I care that much?” and I feel really stupid.

44. Who was the last person to hurt you? Greebo the cat. He tried to eat my nose in the middle of the night.

45. Who was the last person you hurt? uh. dont know.

46. Do you wear socks to bed?No but sometimes I try and wake up and they are off my feet.

47. How do you feel about breast implants?I would never get them, but only because I already have freak-show huge boobs. But if someone else wants to get ‘em, mozel tov.

48. What kind of shampoo do you use?Aveda shampure. I like the smell.

49. Have you ever been in love? Yup. a lot. :)

50. Do you think love is real for young people? Sure felt real.

51. ? ?

52. What are you? Human. I think.

53. Say your opinion, or keep it to yourself? Yeah. say it.

54. The snow or the sun? Sun. :)

55. Have you ever been out of the country? Yup.

56. Where do you want to raise your family? St. Croix (for now) but as my family is husband, 2 dogs and a kitten. Well...not all that much raisin' to do.

57. The city life, or the quiet? both.

58. A club, or movie night?Movie night. But with cocktails.

59. Mercedes or BMW? Neither.

60. Do you like to dress up? sometimes.

61. How long does it take you to get ready after you get out of bed?11.5 minutes

62. Describe your perfect type of girl/boy? I am really quite eclectic. :)


63. Save your money or spend it?I am the most irresponsible person with money you will ever meet in your entire life.

64. Do you wear a belt? only when my pants are falling off and if I remember

65. How many pairs of jeans do you have?5 I think.

66. Do you want to get married in a church? Nope. didn't.

67. Shower in the morning or night? Night.

68. Is there ever a justified reason to lie?To save your own ass. Just kidding. Not really.

69. Favorite disney movie? Little Mermaid.

70. What's your favorite movie? uh. too many of them. :)

71. Shorts or jeans/pants? Shorts. It's really hot here.

73. Do you think you and your best friend will still be best friends in 10 years?I would like to think so.

74. Who's your bestfriend? Am lucky enough to have a lot of friends. I guess my best oldest friend would be my old college roomate...we text a lot and communicate a lot regaring textsfromlastnight.com

75. Are you a good girlfriend/boyfriend?I'm an okay wife. :)

76. Do you like being in a relationship? yup.

77. Hats or no hats?I can’t really pull off hats, but I envy those who can.

78. Do you fall for people easily?Yes. I fall in love at least 2 times a day.

79. Is it hard for you to open up to people?It’s hard for me to open up to people about serious stuff.

80. Do you watch what you eat?Yep, I usually look at my food before I eat it.

82. What do you want to be in the future?I don’t know and it causes me extreme anxiety every day.

84. "True love never dies"? Nah. True love never dies but it does tend to take the other one for granted after a while.

85. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be??I want more tattoos.

86. Mom or dad?What a f'd up question. Both.

87. How long have you known your best friend?I think I’ve known my oldest best friend since college.

88. Whats your favorite meal of the day?Brunch.

89. Do you have any secrets? Yup.

90. What is your worst fear?One of my family members dying and not being able to get to them.

91. Do you play hard to get?Uh, no. I need to work on that.

92. Are you hard to get? depends how that question is meant...

93. Do you like Memphis?I’ve never been to Memphis.

94. Do you use an umbrella? Nope.

95. Night or day? Night night night. As long as I don't have to get up in the morning. :)

98. Do you consider yourself 'nice'?Here’s my policy: if you’re nice to me, I’ll be the nicest most fun person ever to you. If you’re not nice to me, I can be a snobby, elitist, snarky, unnecessary bitch to you. Just be nice! Geez!

99. Are you fake? Nope. All parts are factory standard. :)

100. What should you be doing right now? Showering.

Darn It!

Okay, I am prepared. I have water, I have food, I have 100lbs of dog food, I have cards, I have 5 new books on my fully charged kindle. I have clean clothes, blankets, pillows, flashlights, lanterns, candles, a first aid kit, and a truck full of gas. You know what I don't have? I don't have a freakin' hurricane--that's what I don't have. Tropical Storm Ana--the fickle bitch, she down-graded back to a Tropical Depression and she is ever so south of us. I was looking forward to Ana, she wasn't too strong, but good enough to show me what getting to miss a day of work due to a tropical storm would be like...But noooooo. Fickle.
Then there is Bill, freakin' Hurricane Bill. He looks like he is swinging North on me, which is really probably good 'cause, well, he is a little rougher and tougher than his fickle sister Ana.
So, my nerdy little self is keeping an eye on Bill, marking locations on my dorky hurricane map.
I shall keep you informed. :)
Although, to be fair, the weather channel is probably better than I am at this meteorological crap. So maybe check there first for updates.
*hugs*
-Heather

My new friends

So, I may have some new friends coming to town. Ana and Bill. :) For any of you who do not know--Ana & Bill are tropical storms and they are heading my (St. Croix) way. I have water, I have food, I have candles, I have shutters. :) I should be just fine. Ana is set to hit (and she shouldn't be too bad) on Monday. Bill, well who knows about Bill. He will prolly landfall around wednesday or thursday. There is another behind Bill--but that one doesn't have a name yet.
Anyway, just keeping you all informed. I will let you know how it goes.
*hugs*

I can't help it...

...I hate being late. I hate it. I freak out if I think I haven't prepared enough prior to wherever I am going. Now, in the consulting world--this helps. You get to clients on time, you usually know as much as you can ahead of time. You appear impressive to said clients.
Here in the Virgin Islands--I am a freak. I am the person sitting for a half hour waiting for someone. I show up 10 minutes early--they're 20 minutes late.
*sigh*
I am also the fool who shows up to parties early--which drives my husband insane.
Well, I'm going back to waiting some more.
Hugs, ya'll.
-Heather

Saturday!!!

Morning! I have been drinking a lot of coffee this morning! and it is making me type really fast AND think in exclamation points! Using exclamation points is the sign of a writer who cannot articulate their thoughts well (!); but I am seriously seriously caffeinated!!!!!!!!!

So, I have a few topics that I have never been able to flesh out into a full posting; so I am going to try to clean out my "blog topic" file and give you a few tidbits.

• I know you all know me as smooth and charming, however (*snicker*) I am on occasion VERY awkward. The other day a co-worker was wandering by and I offered her a ride out. She is very nice, we have had dinner on occasion and have a few mutual friends. You know, that friend of a friend person. So, we are chatting about important relevant topics as weather, pets, weather, work, weather...and I just ran out of topics (you can only beat weather into the ground for so long). As I sat there in Bertha (my beast of a leased SUV) talking to her through the passenger window (she did not wish a ride out) and we had a few awkward seconds of silence I said, "okay, well I'm out of things to say...have a great night!" Only later did I realize how awkward that sentence was. *sigh*

• I work in a firehouse. There is one gal fireman, she is nice. Anyway, we kind of share a bathroom. There are also male firemen, and they keep stealing our stuff. This has led to me labeling the soap so that I can wash my hands. I wash my hands a lot. I wash them after I work with samples. I wash them before I eat. I really believe in washing my hands with soap and water--I have real irritation with the vast quantity of hand sanitizer being used. I mean, people, wash your damn hands. So, most of the time, after washing my hands I have a very bad habit of shaking them off and either letting them air dry or wiping them on my pants (or coveralls). I know, this is not a good habit--but I hate air dryers AND I feel guilty when I use paper towels (environment). Okay, there is the back story. The other day Anya (gal fireman) comes into the lab. She wanted to double check I hadn't borrowed the paper towels before she went to disembowel the male fireman for stealing out stuff (again). I had not borrowed the towels. But during the conversation I could tell that she thought that since I hadn't noticed they were missing that I was disgusting and didn't wash my hands after using the bathroom. I could not dig my way out of that awkward conversation. *sigh*

Thursday

This week seems to be zooming by in comparison to the last few weeks. At this very moment I am sitting in The Bombay Club waiting for dinner. The food is wonderful, but best of all--the air conditioning is cold. :)

Wednesday

Woke up this morning after being up most of the night with a headache. Blech. So in my infinite idiocy I decided to take a day off. That lasted precisely 2 hours and one bowl of spaghetti breakfast. Had some samples to complete on a rush basis. Seriously though, the spaghetti breakfast was *really* good.
Those of you who know me may be aware of my jovial nature (I know, shocking). The people I get along with best are, without a doubt, what my last performance review called, "blue collar workers" although I must tell you I feel creepy saying "blue collar" cause to me those are normal-type (ish) people and the folks in the dressy clothes with clean nails Freak. Me. Out.
Wow, okay, went of on a random tangent there. Back to my point, I tend to give a lot of the guys shit. In particular one insulator who brings me samples every day and talks about his yard with a bazillion kinds of local fruit; to him I say--bring me some dang fruit. I have been teasing him about this for a month. Well, today (the day I attempted to miss work) he did. So, besides feeling less guilty for missing work I also got a great fruity prize. My bounty included: 2 young pre-cut coconuts (1 gone), 1 giant soursop, 2 perfect ripe mangos (gone already), a few bananas, 1 sugar apple and approx. 10 carambolas (aka starfruit).
I am rich in fruit. :)
Goodnight folks!

I know.

There is nothing so boring as reading someone say how they are sorry they haven't written more--that being said, people, I am sorry I haven't written more.
I have been swamped. Not with work, not with my husband being here (although both of these things take serious time), but I have been swamped in stress. I have been spending so much time panicking and worrying about the when and the if "they" are sending me back to Chicago that I have ceased enjoying what I have in the here and now. I am so lucky to have my husband here. I am so lucky to get to swim in the Caribbean sea every weekend. I am so incredibly lucky to be up in the coker unit and be able to see miles out into the Caribbean. I am blessed--and instead of embracing and loving my life I am clutching at it--fearful of letting go. So. As of today I am living my life fully, enjoying as much as possible, and unless something changes--I will be shipped back to Chicago at the end of September.
One step at a time, one day at a time.
With hope,
Heather