how to clean out a refrigerator (aka ADD is fun!)

Step 1. work all day and while driving home wonder what you should cook for dinner.
Step 2. get home - get overwhelmed by various animals demanding attention, food, more attention, more food, even more attention.
Step 3. drag footstool to fridge, prop it open and clean out the bottom shelf. Oh the disturbing bottom shelf! Containers of goop, jars of glop, something that may have at one point a vegetable (not sure though). Throughout all of it I found random beer bottles.
Step 4. clean out bottom shelf.
Step 5. get distracted by shiny objects, do other stuff, wander back to refrigerator.
Step 6. remove 2 cats from refrigerator.
Step 7. reclean bottom shelf.
Step 8. close refrigerator, give up, and go to bed early.
the end....

well.....hello there!!

Hello everyone! first off Happy Holidays-please take time to enjoy this time of celebration for many cultures, celebrate the time of winter darkness coming to an end and light coming to us all.
and no that the touchy feely portion of my post is over please let me tell you how awesome it is to enjoy a beautiful sunny day on Christmas...be jealous people.
I should also throw in a token apology, because wowsa have i been busy. As you probably know I work at an oil refinery, it is a huge amazing beast of an oil refinery with some unique challenges. I often jokingly refer to my job as working in the wild west of industrial hygiene - i face problems here that no longer exist in the states. Lately however i have been doing documentation and field work quantification. I have a gift of being able to do this after spending years doing this in Chicago. Its a gift and a curse....so my 15 hour days have been "fun". I just wish I could teach this skill, but alas it appears not so much. ~sigh~
So, my deepst apologies for not posting and not even attempting to "do" the holidays. I bought no gifts, sent not a single card. In fact i didnt even hang lights until December 24th at 9pm. I hung the lights in the window and got a big fun holiday rush.
I hope everyone has a great holiday and enjoys all the lights in your lives whether it be people, pets, or kmart LEDs - or if you are lucky like me - all 3!
Happy holidays everyone - I love you all!
-Heather

shower friend...

Tonight i reached down into the shower drain to clean out the "you washed a dog on monday and didn't clean out the drain"-sized clump of hair and a spider the size of a quarter jumped out. I think i startled him as much as he did me. To quote i said, "aaaaaaaaaaah! You are NOT small!" I hopped out of the shower and went to find a disposable cup. Once i procured my red party cup i went back to the shower to coax the furry bugger into it and take him outside. Spider said, "no."
so, to solve the problem i left the red party cup on the spider while i showered and let him loose when i was done.
thus is my story of my new shower friend, goodnight folks!

today...

i am wearing a shirt that does not belong to me. i honestly have no clue where this came from. it is a gray tank top. the mind kinda boggles.

happy thnksgiving!

i hope everyone had as relaxing of a holiday as i did. i was invited to 2 dinners. it was very much like being invited to 2 sids of my families.
but with no stress and a tropical paradise....kinda spiffy.

night shift...

well, hello there.
so, ive been working nights and i think night shift makes me insane.
concentration is darn difficult.
and i feel like i will never catch up on sleep.
here are some exciting listed items for your reading pleasure:
1. ramen noodle is not food.
2. nothing is open when i get off work at 5:30
3. when you get a day off and you go swimming in the ocean you should not do so with your cell phone, car keys, dramamine, and $15 in cash in your pocket.
4. i can free dive pretty deeply for $15.
5. i do not have the self control to go to the animal shelter and leave without an animal.
6. if you visit me i will try to get you to go to the animal shelter and take an animal back home.
7. although i am generally considered crazy; there is always someone crazier.
8. i really like living alone; but i do get lonely.
9. right at this moment, i am hungry.
10. im apparenty allergic to orange juice; however i feel the need to test the theory, which is stupid, due to the difficulty breathing and the horriific itching and all....but if it isnt the orange juice then i officially let myself get so stressed out that my body basically said, "fuck it; im out" and tried to kill me. so for peace of mind; im blaming the juice.

gnite ya'll.

wow....im tired.

i had 3 days off and spent so much time running around i got no rest.
im pooped.

nights nights nights...

So, night shift....yeah.
The first few nights were rough...things are settled down into a routine now.  The contractors who are down to help are pretty good.  Wise, fun, decent IHs.

But people, I am tired.  Like, soul-weary.  I *need* a break.  I need a break off this island for a bit.  I still love living here, don't get me wrong, I have just spent a very long time without a break.  Incident after incident after audit and then straight into a turnaround.  My timesheet said I worked 71 hours last week...I miss being a consultant.

Remember my boss?  He got promoted out of our department and while I have a certain amount of "yay" for him; I have a hell of a lot of "whoa" for me (us).  The amount of work to do; the amount of stress and
 I am still not an employee of the refinery.  Not that this is all bad; there are a couple perks I enjoy that employees don't have.  But at some point the "busting my butt to become an employee" became resentment. Not a whole lot of resentment; I just wonder if the day comes I get the magical job offer if  I will be happy; or just a bit weary.

This place is very much a testing ground; the "wild west of industrial hygiene" where you aren't worried so much about the little stupid stuff and focus (as much as humanly possible) on actual hazards.  It is a lot.  And I've survived so far.

I just need a vacation.

muah!
-H.

Hello. :)

I feel like I have come full circle. The first time I came down to this island I was working nights on a turnaround. Here I am again, nights on a turnaround. This crap AIN'T easy anymore. Reason being this is sort of "my house" now. You know when you are in a hotel room you can relax because after a certain point there isn't anything left to do. However, when you are at home after you finish A, there is always B to do. Wash dishes, do laundry, wash the dogs, sweep the floor, let's face it, that list does NOT die. Always more to do. That analogy is exactly the same as when you are working somewhere as a consultant vs. working somewhere long term. The pile of things I have to do is so far from never ending that you can't help but feel overwhelmed.
Enough of the bitching. Nothing I can fix tonight.
Right now I am wondering exactly how much caffeine will kill me? I think I may be dancing on that edge. **blink**

Home News
So, I have moved. I now have a spiffy house with actual rooms(!). It has been amazing. The dogs have a HUGE yard to run and play in (okay, they sleep...but still, if they wanted to they could run and play). And just this morning I saw Greebo (the cat) grab and kill a bird mid-air. So, he is settling in nicely...
Speaking of kitties...I got another one. I know, I know. They were going to put him down soon. and he was all sad...and young....and hell, this is WHY I don't go to the pound. Anyway, his name is Pratchett and he is less into killing things and more into being adorable.
In the middle of the night 3 days ago I thought I was hallucinating about two white kittens...it turns out that two white kittens AS WELL AS one black, white, and brown cat keep wandering into my house. So, yeah...NO. I need a havaheart trap for Yule so I can get these strays fixed. I don't actually know what to say about the fact that it seemed acceptable to me to hallucinate kittens...
Hope everyone is sleeping well. lack of sleep apparently means I cannot finish a sentence...
:)

Still alive!

So. For about a week I've been looking for funny things to write about (there have been many) or long descriptive stories about me moving (which I HATE moving btw) or even some negative stuff about my old neighbors and/or old landlord. I have had no time. None. Nada. Work has been crazed--so intense that I have entered a very zen place about how much there is to do. The way I see it one day I will just become buried in the paperwork and just take a nice long nap.
Mmmmmmmm. Nap.
For those of you not in the loop my mother is in town. I flew her in to help me with the move. I needed help badly and YAY! she delivered. We were packed and out (mostly) of the old apartment within days of her arrival. And the new house....oooh, the new house. Allow me to sing its many praises: a roof that does not leak, a bathroom that does not flood, rooms with doors. Okay, yes, it has its downsides, but in general I'm VERY happy.
The dogs are thrilled too. They have a GIANT yard to run around in.
Pictures will follow once I have a minute to breathe. But where I have moved I am MUCH happier. :)
Muah!
-H.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

pants pants purse

I am not a fashionista. I could honestly not care one way or another what people wear. If they are happy and comfy more power to them. Every once in a while I see something that strikes me as “HOLY CRAP! What were they thinking!?!” We are going to take a moment and discuss three of these things. Pants, Pants, and purses. If you are an avid reader of mass of random you know I wear coveralls to work. Nothing too exciting just your standard fire retardant coveralls.

Sometimes people who work in the administration part of the refinery wear business attire. Sure, okay…no worries. The other week I saw patterned pants. These pants caused a physical reaction in my body. The pattern, the mass of polyester, for God’s sake THE PATTERN!!! Okay, we have Heather’s fashion rule #1—no patterned pants. A light pin striping is fine…just not, well, cripes—psychedelic patterned polyester business pants. I think I would have had a seizure if they had a matching jacket. ~shudder~

Now we move on to the “other” pants problem. If you wear coveralls, wear the freaking coveralls. Sure, don’t get me wrong—if you have been working in the field all day and you are hot and sweaty it makes perfect sense to take off the top half of your coveralls and tie them around your waist on your way out. Please don’t wear a dressy button down top and then tie your coveralls around your waist. Just say no. It’s not okay. They make fire retardant pants. If you want pants, get pants. If I saw this happening once in a while—so be it. But there is one very nice lady who does it every day and it drives me insane for no good reason. My fashion-short-bus’d self has no room to make commentary but there ya have it—Heather’s fashion rule #2—wear your clothes.

Lastly, and this is probably just a personal preference. But HOLY CRAP does seeing a woman carrying a purse—a delicate girly purse, while wearing coveralls just looks wrong. Not a little wrong—a LOT wrong.
So, Heather’s stupid pointless fashion rule #3—don’t carry an annoyingly fussy purse when wearing coveralls. It looks stupid.

Okay, that’s all I have for today. Tune in later this week for more pointless observations. ~smile~

Monday

Hello everyone. Last week was intensely long…still only 7 days but my perception was that it lasted approximately three times that. All my work tasks were focused on community outreach stuff. It was exciting, busy, and above all—wearying.
Today (Monday) I am back at my regular activities and I found it very hard to focus. It was a nice mental break to have to focus completely on different stuff. However, now that I am back to my desk looking at my “to do” pile I want to run away again. Here are a few updates from my world:

s I’m moving. Weeeeee! I am getting away from the insanity of my neighbors. Bless their alcoholic rage-filled little hearts. More power to them, they can have that place. I am very excited about my new house with its big fenced in yard walking distance from one of my favorite beaches.
s Dogs are good but WOW did they lay a guilt trip on me this morning as I left for work. They looked at me with “again?” written all over their pathetic little faces. Last week was hard on them—12 hours+ alone every day. Not a single accident those poor babies. I didn’t leave them alone over the weekend, tried to take them with me everywhere. Poor little punkins.
s Cat is still insane. I really like him. The random attacks on my feet are a little intense; but totally worth it.

That's about all. love ya'll!

I ain't dead!

Just insanely busy.
Be back soon!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Eeeeenteresting.

So, please understand I am very well aware that without administrative support the world would suck. I MISS the administrators we had back in Chicago. I could go on and on about how wonderful they were (are still) to me. Also, there are times when I administrate for industrial hygiene, organize, fix, review, write...whatever. In fact my current boss apologized once that many of the administration tasks for our group (of 3) fell to me. I told him I was the most recent hire and that I am damn good and damn proud of my organizational skills. So no problems there.
But why, oh why, when the safety admin is away from her desk, does every jackass wander into my office looking for help passing multiple men along the way? That my friends, that right there is sexism and it is starting to piss me off.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Industrial Hygiene Mascot

Okay, in all seriousness I am guessing at the species of gecko as the star of this little story with this "borrowed" image from the internet. But it was an odd moment in my career and felt the need to share--visual aids always help. My sarcastic co-worker has been on vacation and this has led to much more interaction with my boss. During one of our famously awkward conversations I needed to get the keys to the IH-mobile (like the bat-mobile but with way cooler toys). He reached into his pocket to pull them out and I stepped forward. A weird series of occurrences happened almost in slow motion. His hand grabbed keys, he reached keys to me, a gecko jumped off the keys onto the floor, and to my horror my shoe came damn close to squashing the little gecko. I threw myself backward and the gecko ran for cover. Boss looked at me; I looked at Boss. Boss asked, "did that just come out of my pocket?" I replied, "i think so". It. was. weird. So about a week goes by and who do I see today? Gecko--alive and well and chillin' in the corner of my office. Although we were insanely busy I still went and showed the boss who declared we have a mascot. So, I am aware this is an inane story--but I have a boss who has lizards in his pocket. How many people can say that? exactly.

A tearful goodbye...

Well, it has happened. I wasn’t sure it would but darn it—it has. I mean nothing lasts forever and we had a good run…

I met my favorite brand of bike shorts back in 2007 from an online company that had them on clearance. I bought six pairs. Well, here we are three years later and they are all starting to die. I can’t complain, they have put in a few good years but they don’t make this kind anymore (of course).

The only story I can liken to what I am experiencing today is a horror my husband and I experienced while camping. We all sat around chatting and laughing and enjoying the company of those around us. One lovely large gentleman was wearing leggings and not much else. At one point the seam of said legging started giving way in the “crotchular” region. It wasn’t as if they just gave way altogether, it was more of a Playdo Fun Factory pressing effect as more and more of his “crotchular” area fun factory’d its way out. My husband gurglecoughsnorted and said in an incredulous and horrified manner, “the structural integrity of your pants has been compromised!!!!” before closing his eyes and trying to forget the image…the horrible horrible image.

Needless to say for a few years all of our friends used my husband’s overly complicated version of “dude, your junk is squeezing out your pants” for anything we could. Often heard around our home was, “the structural integrity of has been compromised!!” ahhh…good times.

So, thankfully my bike shorts are safely covered by coveralls and there is minimal danger of any visually horrifying playdo fun factory events—needless to say it may be time to buy some new “under coverall” shorts.

Hurricane Survival Kit

Hello. Please note—I am not in any way experienced with hurricanes. Almost every single person who lives on the island has more experience than me and I am certain that they all have hints and tricks better and perhaps more applicable than mine. That said I am going to keep ya’ll updated on what I have been doing to make my world a little more pleasant during inclement weather.

Flush Water
There is nothing as decadent as indoor plumbing. During hurricane season I keep an old cat litter bucket (cleaned and approx. 5 gallons) filled with water (and a little bleach). The cat litter bucket has a lid which I keep closed to prevent mosquitoes from enjoying a breeding ground. Then, when a flush is needed, I have that ability. It’s awesome.

Face Wipes
Okay, I know most of you have heard of the whole baby wipe thing. Those are fine but if you really want to “treat” yourself buy some fancy no water needed face washing towelettes. I have some Olay ones and I love them. They actually made me feel clean before bed. I can’t recommend anything more.

Wash Yer Dang Dishes
Very little is as gross as icky dishwater. Now, if you have it and don’t have electricity or water for a few days it gets really manky. So, when you know a storm is coming make sure to wash all your dishes and put them away before the storm. Then use environmentally unfriendly disposable products during the storm. Water is way too precious to do anything else.

Soapy Water & Rinse Bucket
I use my empty dish washing sink bucket thing and half fill it with sudsy water. This allows me to wash my hands during the storm and after by dunking and swishing. I rinse my hands in a bucket with clean water before drying. This may sound stupid, but it is amazing how often I needed this.

Oil Candles & Lantern
Light is amazing. Sure, I need a headlamp to read and all that but just by illuminating an area it can make you feel less alone. There is a reason everyone gathers at campfires…it feels homey. Just remember all your basic fire safety skills.

Buckets, Buckets, and more Buckets
You may have noticed that I use a lot of buckets—get more of them. Somewhere in your house is going to leak. You may need to soak something in bleach, you may need to dip water out of your cistern, just get lots of buckets. Trust me. I think I have 8 bucket-type objects, and yes, I have used them all.

Drinking Water
A lot of potable water is essential. Seriously. The estimate is 1 gallon per person per day. Pets are a minimum of ½ gallon per pet a day. Those estimates are NOT for people like me and my pets. My big dogs need a gallon per day as well. So, I have about 30 gallons before any hurricane. So far so good.


Insect Repellant/Raid/Boric Acid
The little buggers EXPLODE after a storm. I had an ant infestation on my stove within 1 day following inclement weather. A sprinkling of Borax and they were gone. J Also, mosquitoes are just evil—they will eat you alive after a storm. I keep a can of Off by the bed and in the kitchen. I rarely use Raid—but it isn’t bad to keep on hand.


Cash
If there is no power or phone service after a hurricane, there is no way to get money and you can’t pay with a credit card/debit card. So, yeah, take out as much cash as you can prior to a storm. One person I know puts all ones and fives he gets in change in a jar starting June 1st and uses that as his Hurricane Fund. It’s a pretty good idea.

Battery Operated Fan
I don’t have one; but I sure have wished for one for the last few days with no power! I have great hopes of getting one someday. :)

Rubbermaid Roughneck Containers
These things are great. Keep a few changes of clothes in one of them so that you have some dry clean clothes to wear. Sometimes everything gets wet.

Gaston

Motivation

Is there anything in this world less motivating than motivational posters? I didn’t think so either. I’ve never been a fan of such dripping obvious schlock. However, I’d never really been subjected to them either. The other day something horrible happened. The local admin brought in a framed copy of some motivational poster for us to put in our office. *blink* really? Us? Me and the officemate (aka Sarcasmo) who go out of our way to write buzzwords in a mocking manner on the whiteboard in our office (synergy, cooperation, paradigm shift, strategery…wait, that ain’t one—you get the idea)?
The dark horror was prevalent in our office. We didn’t want it.
It sat on a chair…looking at us.
Okay, I’m being a wee bit melodramatic; but it was annoying. So we zipped down the hallway and crowded into our boss’ office doorway and said “do we have to?” to which he said, “Nope”. The offending poster was taken away…they still haunt the hallways though. If a poster was wall I needed to become motivated…

Should anyone wish to giggle you can Google “demotivators” and see what I wish was all over my walls.


Muah!-H.

...a minor rant (email)

A minor rant…

So, if any of you out there have email; and I know most of you do; please remember to PUT YOUR FLIPPIN’ PHONE NUMBER IN THE SIGNATURE! Yes, I am well aware that people are getting outlandish with the signature lines, for example:

Heather Blah Blah Blah, Whooopie dooooo title.
Company address
Company address
Company website
Phone number
Cell number
Email
Website
Personal website
Annoying biblical sentence or save the earth message all about your journey and your commitment to blah blah blah blah.

Don’t. Be. That. Person!!!
However, if you send me a flippin’ email asking me to call you and you don’t at least have a stupid phone number at the bottom of the email it makes me insane. Then there is the searching for the number…~sigh~

So, my advice to anyone who cares enough to read this stupid posting. On outgoing messages have your name, phone number(s) and maybe your email (although if you are sending an email don’t we already have that?). On reply messages at least have your name and phone number—even just your office line.

What are we—cave dwellers? Come on! J J J


Okay, rant over. J
Muah!
-H.

an essay on feminism (with no good answers)

An essay on feminisim…(with no concrete answers)

I am a feminist. I truly believe women have the right to be whatever they want to be whether that be a housewife, CEO, garbage collector, prostitute, doctor, you get the idea—whatever they want to be.

I recall an “anti-feminist” movement back when I was in college; women afraid to declare that they were feminist because they really didn’t understand what being a feminist meant.

And there is the crux of my problem—do I know what feminism means? I have a tendency to get by in this world using my charisma as opposed to my education. I’ve been known to utilize every trick in the book from blatant flirtation to aggressive behavior to being more like a fraternity brother than a girl to get sampling done and or to get people to listen. It’s never thought out; I just sort of passively read people and then behave the way I intuit will get me what I need.

Some people are HARD for me to read. My current boss is impossible for me to read and in some ways for me that is ideal. It forces me to be a better employee and a better scientist. But holy hell is it frustrating to have someone I can’t read to report to. It causes me to be nervous every single time I have to interact with him.

So, speaking of my current working situation—I think the other day I was treated to a little gender discrimination. It shocked the living crap right out of me. It was assumed I couldn’t do something because I am a girl. It was unexpected and made me uncomfortable.

Men and women are very different – physically, emotionally, and chemically. Does that mean one is naturally better as some things than others—probably. Does that mean we have to conform to conventional gender roles—nope.

Do I have any answers?—nope. I just find myself contemplating these things sometimes.

Muah!
-H.

Post Hurricane Plumbing

Seriously, you don’t know how wonderful indoor working plumbing is until you do not have it for a while. Just sayin’.

My First Hurricane

So, yeah. We got brushed by Hurricane Earl. It was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be; I guess growing up in Michigan/Ohio has prepared me pretty darn well for inclement weather. Basically, all the hurricane felt like was some really high winds and a lot of rain. The preparations before the hurricane though—that nearly killed me. For some unbeknownst reason I thought I could lift a large cooler filled with 5 bags of ice with one arm while carrying a backpack and dragging a garbage can. It turns out I can—but I shouldn’t. Or so the pulled muscle in my lower left back keeps telling me, loudly, with much angst. Many trips to the dump, bleaching out my garbage can, moved the grills indoors, chained down some outdoor tools. Lots of chores to do on a Sunday. J

During the hurricane I napped. I did. Me, the dogs, and occasionally a sopping wet cat were snuggled on the bed and we napped. What else was there to do? It was rather peaceful. I read a book, napped a little, read some more, napped some more. Got fancy and made a tuna melt, read some more, napped some more.

There were no tree limbs in my way into work the next morning. Here we are on Wednesday and I still have no power but I prepared for that. It should hopefully be up by today (fingers crossed).

The one thing I noticed about the Hurricane is that it was long. Picture a really bad thunderstorm that goes on for about a day letting up only intermittently. I had a hard time figuring out if it was “over” or not.

Well, made it through my first one. It was less exciting that I had prepared for however more preparation is not a bad thing. Also, the aftermath (since we were just brushed) has not been nearly so bad.

Hugs,
-H.

Hurricane Earl Rated: meh.

So, I did it! I made it through my first hurricane. It was suprisingly...meh.
No power, high winds, leaking roof. But it is the same place it always leaks so ya know, no biggie. I had candles and read with a headlamp. I got fancy around 5PM and made myself a tuna melt...then early to bed and finished my book.
It was fine.
I still didn't have power when I left for work this morning; but that is still nothing too major.
Anyway, I shall update more later; for now just wanted ya'll to know I am good; pets are good; island is good.
Phone service is still spotty, internet really only works here at work.
HUGS!
-H.

So....

Late last week my boss, looking a bit shell shocked, tramped into mine and Sarcasmo's office to inform us that the turnaround which was supposed to be minor (4 thingies) had turned into a major turnaround (around 12 thingies) and that the gods that be over said turnaround expect industrial hygiene support. Sarcasmo and I gasped audibly. (Actually, I made that up--we sat their and nodded intelligently and asked sedate questions).
I've been trying to think about this but in all honesty my brain keeps re-booting with a disturbing *THUNK*. Almost 6 weeks *THUNK*, of 10-12 hours per day *THUNK*, 6-7 days per week *THUNK*, and it looks like I'll be on nights *THUNK*, I don't get any extra $ or time off for this *THUNK, THUNK, FAN STOPS, MUST REBOOT*
There is not much to do except knuckle under and do it. Ugh. This post is bringing me down. :)

Here is something adorable, ready? So you all know my disturbingly psychopathic cat Greebo, correct? Well, he kills, he maims, he destroys, he yowls, and last night--he sneezed. And it was Freaking Adorable. It was a delicate fragile sounding "pi-chu" and it made me laugh uproariously. I then picked him up and called him my little cuddle-umpkins until he was so angry he jumped down, smacked the crap out of the dog, and stomped out of the house to go rape and kill some rainforest fauna. My widdle cuddle-umpkins. :)

Yikes! Hi!

Sorry. I know; it's been a while.
:(
I've been very busy. Work, work, and a little more work.
I have many things to share, many embarrassing situations to impart.
But now, eating lunch.
Muah!
-H.

My day...

Hiya!
How's tricks everyone?
So, tropical storm Colin was all organized, then he got all discombobulated, now he's trying to get his shit back together. I feel that storms pain. I have been a busy little bee lately. Work work work, then some more work.
Today however, today I rocked some serious awkward...and lord I know how much ya'll enjoy my awkward.
So I now share an office with the sarcastic coworker, and it's been awesome (for me) except when he hasn't had coffee cause then he is a little bitchy. :P
Seriously though. It's been great. I feel more a part of the "team" and I'm more focused being around sarcasmo and the boss. So. Yep, today.
Before I get to the extra embarrassing part--here's a little nibble: during a coversation between Sarcasmo, me, and Boss, I used the phrase, "rockin' it old school industrial hygiene." Then heard what the hell just came out of my mouth, looked up in horror and said, "please kill me, I don't know why I am THAT geeky. "

Then later Sarcasmo and the Boss were chatting about some work we are setting up. Here is what I heard, "tech tech tech, bucket, tech tech important words, chemical tech tech chemical tech magic flapjack important tech doom"
So, after the boss left and I went into the bathroom to pee, send my best friend the text message "am I dumb?", and then slumped back to my desk. I flopped into my chair dramatically and said, "Sarcasmo?, does Boss ever make you feel stupid?" And just as the word stupid came out of my gaping maw guess who walks into the office--yup, Boss. I looked at Boss, turned bright red and said, "uh. Uh. Uh. I was just. Uh talking about you and wondered if. Uh I was. Uh." Then gave up talking and applied my head to my desk repeatedly. Thankfully I write better than I talk and managed to explain to Boss that I was concerned I didn't know enough about the refining processes, he said nice things, I got all glowy and happy and then I twiddled with a powerpoint until 7:30.
So now I'm home in bed and sleepy.
Have a great night everyone.
Muah!
-H.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Colin wussed out...

Seriously, the storm devolved into what I call a "meh"-rated storm or a "low pressure trough" as the folks at NOAA called it.
Have a great day!
-H

It's Colin!

Morning everyone. We have a tropical storm heading our way. Just a storm, not a hurricane--everything should be just fine.
It will probably brush by us a bit to the north but as a wise man told me I have only been here for 5 minutes, I don't know nothin. :P
Have a great day!!!
-H.

Why I'm grateful...

There are many things I'm grateful for these days, ready?

1. I have some amazing friends-seriously! I have 2 friends that have been all over the flood cleanup in Illinois. Also-i have one friend/co-worker (yes, the sarcastic one) who removed the beeping from my emergency battery backups. It makes power outages more peaceful. There are many other wonderous people out there and I am SO lucky to have them.
2. Noise cancelling earphones. Best things ever.
3. I love my job AND I have a job in this economy. I am so freaking lucky and blessed about that.
4. Diet coke..that fizzy dark delicious soda often makes my day better.
5. My pets make me laugh every freakin day; I am so lucky I get to laugh.

I have many more things to list; I'm just working on a few at a time. :D
Goodnight everyone!
-H.
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Stupid Bussy

It's been a hella busy week..

 

Been missing chatting with you, but with 2 computers for 14 people its hard to get on here and do anything other than work..

 

Any way

 

Hope things are ok for you, I really do..

 

Brian

 

mmmmpha

If you were a fly on the wall you would have heard this conversation in my house this weekend:

Me: “Honey, there is a toad in the shower, I’m tagging you in on this one because I am way to hungover to deal with toad urine. Greebo must have brought it in to taste more purple. Additionally I recommend grabbing the empty Wendy’s cup to trap it to take back outside because it has a good depth while still able to cover the top with your hand.”

Him: “yeah, we should get some disposable cups so we can save the live things easier.”

Me: ~face in pillow~ “mmmpha” (roughly translated—good idea, I need to die now)

Welp!

Hi. So. My house flooded in IL. Yup. That's friggin stressful.
More updates coming soon. I'm blessed to have the friends I do; anyone willing to clean up your house during and after an epic sewage backup deserves a medal of freaking honor.

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Hi!

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
I've been taking sudafed for the last couple of days and I'm pretty sure I'm reacting as if it were meth. I feel excessively tweaky. In fact, I was just in the bathroom wondering why I was so paranoid. So I sat down and thought for a minute and slowly I remembered about the sudafed and how it makes me basically twitch mentally and physically.
Something else I noticed in the bathroom. Windex says it has a new "powerized" formula. And yet when I make up words folks mock me.
:P.
Additionally this sudafed makes me think in lists. Lists of things I notice. List of thoughts I have. List list list. Yet, I don't write them down. So, basically a useless gift.
:)
Love ya'll
-H.
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Remember when I could use the internet?

Hello? World? So, the power has been consistently on for a good 24 hours (total progress) however I still have no cell service of any kind and no wifi. Having spent a solid hour contacting the various companies to see if they had a projected time...well, they all just laughed so I'm thinking it's gonna be a while.
And the rain. Hooo-doggie, the rain. Bright side-cisterns have got to be full. Downside-I'm a wee bit clammy as is everything I own.
Additionally I am sad to say nothing funny has happened the past couple of days. Oh...hold on. Okay, so last night there was a fire (it happens) and therefore my boss and sarcastic co-worker were called in (I'm totally 3rd string; I don't even have bunker gear. No lie-I WANT to be a first responder but shit-first I need to get hired). So this morning the office was filled with my sarcastic coworkers wet bunker gear. I didn't care, it needs to dry somewhere. So what if we looked like some insane laundry service. So we were starting to get looks and the boss wanders in and tells us to go check out a newly emptied office because it's bigger.
We are totally moving. :) we now get to hide in the back. So, although I'm pretty sure they are just hiding the crazy people in the back office, the new digs should suit us (and all our crap) pretty well.
Have a great night ya'll!
-H.
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O. M. G.

I'm on Survivor STX.
Or so it feels. My Wifi is down, both Sprint and AT&T phone service is down (on the west side of the island), roads are flooded, my power has been more out than on, bedroom roof is dribbling water as if there is a sieve instead of a roof, and the bathroom is just straight pouring in through the (supposed) ceiling.
There isn't a hurricane...just a tropical storm that is probably going to turn into a hurricane after it passes by us.
*giant freaking grin*
I still love it here though.
And before you ask, no, I don't even officially HAVE a job here. Just still pounding along as an independent. The hard part is most of the time I feel like I work for "the company". But, have a big one-on-one meeting with the new director on thursday. I awkwardly asked my current boss if it was appropriate for me to ask (beg, whine, you know...) the new director about hiring me. Both the sarcastic co-worker and my boss looked at me as if I were insane and said (I'm paraphrasing here), "uh. yeah. That's what the meeting should be about you dumbass".
So. Its still raining. I still have no way to post this. But I will send it tomorrow.
Love ya'll.
Muah!
-H.

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Happy Sunday

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Nothing of import....

1. Someone walked into my office today and said, "someday, the earth is going to open up and swallow this refinery into the bowels of hell, and I will be like, what...what was in the virgin islands?...." then left. I've had days like that, but never been that eloquent.

2. Can I ship a coconut from the virgin islands?
I honestly don't know. Maybe....

3. Remember the story of the rat? If I were smart I would link that post to this post, however I usually write these from my phone so I am not that savvy. Anywhoodle, the basic plotline was at one point my apartment had a rat trundle through the living room in the middle of the night and the dogs didn't care. So off the the animal shelter I went and got Greebo the hellcat. He. Kills. Everything. And haven't seen anything since. So today I got home and the husband told me he found a dead rat under the fridge. He had noticed Greebo staring at the fridge and, well, that lead to an investigation and he found a dead rat. I asked him, "did the rat die of poison?".
He replied, "uh, no...it had a hole in it."
"Good Kitty." I said.
Glad to know he is earning his wet food. Doubly glad I didn't have to deal with any of the ick.
Alright. That's all I have for this exciting friday evening of television. :D
Goodnight!
-H.

Well. Today was eeenteresting.
Got to work after being out sick yesterday (hey, cut me some slack, I worked some from home and felt like boiled hell) found out I had a meeting in 2 hours that I was supposed to lead.
Mmkay.
Then my boss indicates (tells) me that sometimes I am all over the place in meetings and that is okay cause it is part of my style. (Yes people....ADD can be a style, oooooh shiny, what's that, wait, what?) But maybe this meeting I should have an agenda.
*blink*
All in all I had a pretty good day. A wee bit hectic, but I'm getting better at prioritizing.
I certainly have grown up, matured, no, wait, better description...gotten old in the last year. I realized while searching in vain (boss found a copy-so all was not lost) for an email sent about 15 months ago that I had a certain immaturity to my emails which, while adorable AND hoolarious (to me), probably wasn't appreciated by everyone. *shrugs*
Interesting sidenote: I no longer cower in fear in regards to upper management. So, that's a plus. I am calling that a win for tonight and going to bed.
Additionally, just to give ya'll a mental image of my maturity level, in today's meeting I pointed at the man who claimed he didn't receive the email I sent 15 months ago and said, "I CALL SHENNANIGANS ON THAT, SIR!".
Hell. At least I didn't say bullshit.
Maturing here people. Every. Freakin'. Day.

okie dokie...

So, today was just a day...July 6th to be exact. Woke up, thought, "ugh" sat down, my husband made me breakfast, then in order to kill just a little more time before driving to work, I put on eye-makeup. You'd a thought I murdered a puppy and wore its head as a hat. Sarcastic co-worker states, "why do you look so shiny". Random firefighters, "what's wrong with your face". Decently nice co-worker, "So....what's up with the eye makeup."

Since regularly wearing any kind of makeup on this island takes a level of dedication I do not have (hell, let's be honest, I didn't have that much make-up dedication even when I didn't live on an island) it makes quite the impact when I do. When I was a teenager my mother would wake me up early for school so that I would put makeup on. *blink* So my bleary-eyed, never get enough sleep teen-aged self would drag some liquid liner across my eyes (in a wobbly line I am sure), scrape some mascara on my lashes and hope to pass inspection. Yes, you guessed it; while other teenagers were rebelling by wearing excess makeup I rebelled by washing my face. So there!!! :)

Wanna know the worst part? I totally look way better with makeup than without. Stupid parents are always right. :)

Anyway, nothing too exciting happening today, but tonight when I came upstairs to listen to some music with headphones (sharing an apartment is WAY hard when you aren't used to it) and work on some reports I found THIS in my bed!

How is there a seashell in my bed? No idea--haven't been to a beach in...well, a really really long time (yes, I live on an island...but I'm REALLY bad at getting out of my house).

I can't see any of the animals bringing this tiny little seashell into my house. It is smaller than a nickel.

I found this mysterious. So I thought I would share. Yes, I am aware this story was a wee bit lame.

On the bright side of things, my cat is killing less these days. Well, he apparently licked a toad and his one pupil is WAY bigger than the other so that slowed him down a bit. Which is good because my bathroom was starting to look like a horror movie scene. Dead lizards, frogs, and an occasional "unidentifiable" made for tricky middle of the night pottying.

For those of you worrying about my cat's health and well being, the first time he did this I freaked out, worried about a head injury, went to the vet...etc. etc. etc. Now (on Toad Licking; episode 6) I'm just pretty sure the little murderer is a stoner who likes to "taste purple" by licking cane toads.

I really think I have the coolest cat in the world; I sincerely hope he doesn't kill me in my sleep.

Hope all is well with you!

Love,

-H.

Morning!

So, I have not much to say but I do wish there were 3 of me. One to keep up my blogs and talk with friends and family, and 2 of me to work. Cause HOLY crap am I busy.
I turn 33 in 2 days. I shall count all my blessings then--because I am lucky to have many.
On the bright side the bathroom close to my new office has a very kind mirror. I love that and shall include it in my blessings. :)
Have a good week everyone!

My Embroidery

Good evening! This is what I just finished. It was not hard, but still felt good to finish something. :D
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And good morning to you Sir!

So, this morning my alarm went off as I reached to grab it there was a spider almost 3" in diameter. On. My. Pillow.
I began talking to it as if it could listen, then trapped it into a container, shuffled onto my deck and sent it sailing into the rainforest.
If it comes back I shall put a collar on it, name if fluffy (it was hairy!), and teach it to cuddle.
Good morning!

Storm...

There is a storm. It's sorta coming.
It may be dubbed "Alex" but in all likelihood it will get smacked down by an opposing windsheer.
But that reminds me I forgot to tell ya'll--this year is forecasted to be a BAD hurricane year. So, just to let you know, I will be fine. I am not too worried. I am all stocked up on necessary stuff, blah blah blah. I do still need a tarp and potentially a chainsaw.
But other than that I'm good.
So, if a hurricane hits us, I will post a "im alive" posting as soon as I can. But, assume I am.
:)
Muah!
-H.

Wooooooo!

I. Am. A. Party. Animal!
Wooooo!
Additionally, allow me to explain my stupidity.
So, I can hold my own in a group of dudes. I mean, I can put on a great professional face for the client and articulate myself well in a composed manner from a sound scientific position, however-stick me in a room (or rooms) with a group of laborers and I can truly hold my own. I will one-up them on naughty comments, have needed tools, know their use, crawl into inspection ports with no regard for cleanliness, etc.
And...in theory, I can outdrink a lot of them. I can certainly talk a good game anyway. Wanna know what I am doing on this rocking saturday night? That's right, I am watching bad tv while doing embroidery. Yeah, I'll take it easy, I know these crafts can be hard core.

Now, as to my stupidity. I tried to make my blackberry work faster by deleting a bunch of programs. Turns out--when you delete your operating system it causes ALL sorts of problems.

Sooo, back to my exciting evening. Please note--I am not complaining--this is exactly where I want to be. I just realized that there is a group of insulators out there who think I am out at a bar, drinking, dancing (probably on a bar), and carousing when in fact I am blogging, embroidering, drinking water, and watching (wait for it) Gilmore Girls.
Shooosh!!! You know you are jealous.
:P
~hugs~
Heather

They Are Everywhere!!

Haha-dont worry, I haven't gone schizophrenic yet. But seriously, the millipedes are EVERYWHERE. In my bed, in my shoes, in my car, on my car, on my couch, crunch-squish-underfoot. I am SO over these damn things.
Oh. And tonight the ants have taken over my bed.
Somedays living in the rainforest aint all it's cracked up to be.
Besides that, work is...well, its friggin' busy.
Nope-still no "official" job--i even got ballsy enough to ask my poor beleaguered boss about it today. Seriously, every time I see that guy I think--poor bastard. His like has become budgets and meetings and he looks beat-up.
I have an office! I actually have an office, a lab, and another lab. Sounds fancy-pants don't it? Yeah, it's not. But I share an office with my sarcastic co-worker and I LOVE IT!!! He probably hates it but it is SO nice being around people again.
I thrive on busy-ness and people around me.
Anyway, there is my update.
Miss everyone a lot!!!
-H.

Crunch! Squish! Eww!

"Crunch, Squish, "Eww"!" has been felt/heard around this apartment quite often in the last few weeks. Millipedes have been all over. As you may or may not be aware I often catch and release insects and other critters, not because I'm concerned about their welfare but more the "squish" factor. The larger the body of the insect the ickier it is to squish em. So, when a giant tree cockroach comes sauntering into the house I am much more likely to capture it and send it outside. So, these (damn) Gungalas (millipedes) are EVERYWHERE and my feet are tattooed with imprints from their poor sad little squished bodies. Their ichor tends to stain which lasts a little over a week. The sensation of unintentionally crushing an exoskeleton with the accompanying squelch is not something I wish for anyone.

There is no real point to this post except that every stupid time I step on a stupid millipede I think, "I really need to write about this".

So I did.

Anyway, all is well, things are going good. Been busy, but busy is good.

Love ya'll

-H.

...everyone hold hands...

Today was interesting. Actually this whole week has been interesting.
This week began the yearly "asbestos refresher training". I actually enjoy taking time and getting to know all the insulators. It makes my job smoother throughout the year and they are a fun group of dudes.
Well, this year we are getting a whole new crop of asbestos insulators. They are training all week (as opposed to refresher training which is usually just a day). On Monday during my Asbestos Supervisor Refresher training the power went out in the refinery. I took that time to go and chatter with the new asbestos insulators. Talked about their concerns and spent time joking with them. It was easier talking to a room full of people in the pitch dark and I had WAY too much fun calling them on their random double standards regarding women. :)
So, today I stopped in to check on training progress and got put on the spot by the instructor--can we visit your lab?
Uh. Okay. FIELD TRIP!!!!
So I go over there and the 20 insulators follow in A YELLOW SCHOOL BUS.
Grown men. School bus.
Then they all tried to crowd into the tiny lab. I explained we were going to have to do this one at a time. I showed them all what it looks like under the microscope and it was fun. They were excited to be there. Loved learning.
Then I had to rush off to a different training session where there is one lady I want to backhand as she is snotty.
So, I'm pretty sure today is as close is I ever wanna get to being a teacher.
:)
Now remember the buddy system on your next field trip!
:D

Essential Truths of Heather

Okay, here is a bunch of crap I have had in my phone to try to flesh out into full blog postings. Obviously, that system ain't working so here you go. My insanely lame notes on my life. :)

muah!

-H.

• only if I pick at a scab in a visible location (i.e. face) will my boss or some other important official person show up as I try to staunch what immediately seems to be arterial bleeding.
• there is never enough diet coke
• there are never enough jumpring keychains. They are insanely useful and everyone should spend a dollar and get 5 at the hardware store.
• Always keep duct tape in your car. Seriously. Then, when you have no rope and someone tied something up there that isn't going to stay ~coughmattresscough~ you can fold the duct tape together and make rope and ACTUALLY tie stuff down.
• Amtrak will never stop sending me emails.

I Ain't Dead!!

Sorry, I know it's been a while. I don't have an excuse but I can honestly say I wasn't feeling overly funny or even overly happy for that matter. Thankfully I am over it. :) Turns out I had an infection I had been fighting for a while and a magical z-pack pilfered from an unauthorized source has put me back into my normal sarcastic pain in the ass happy mood. :)

Now, I am NOT suggesting anyone take non-prescribed drugs however if your choice is a slightly expired full course of antibiotics you have taken in the past with no problems or a doctors appointment in 3 weeks...well, we all make our choices.

So, what's been happening with Heather? You guessed it. Not flippin' much. I recently started a new campaign called "make some damn friends". Which surprisingly step one of such a program was "leave. my. couch". Well, let's just say, that was freakin' exhausting.

Although I do have some lovely friend prospects and I have really made myself known at a certain beer drinking pig bar. Apparently (ahahahahahaha) they thought I was really shy because I always read a book. Well, one afternoon I was all in a mood and telling stories and showing pictures and....well, uh, yeah, now they know the real me. :)

My boss is on vacation. So are a few other high up folks at the refinery. This has caused me to fully believe in magic because every single day last week SOMETHING happened. So, I think my sarcastic co-worker and myself have decided that our boss is never allowed to leave island again.

So, that's about it. The dogs are doing well, the cat keeps killing things and leaving them in the shower for me--so that's nice. I turned on the air conditioning this weekend because I had so much indoor typing to do. So all the animals are laid out in the stream of the cold-maker with serious day long napping. :)

love and hugs to everyone!

-H.

Ha!

I have found the key to happiness. Sure, I don't get another weekday off for 7 months BUT today (people--get excited), today I found at Office Max a giant tub of individually wrapped twizzlers and a box of purple pens.
~performs happy dance~
The twizzlers just make me happy because they are delicious and I haven't had a piece of licorice the whole time I've been on island (I've only seen ginormous bags of twizzlers for like $20-i couldn't commit to that many).
The purple pens make me happy cause 1. they were $2 for 12 of them and 2. They are going to make my sarcastic co-worker a little more insane. Some of my greatest joys in life are hearing him say in a shocked hissing tone, "inappropriate" at one of my horrifyingly inappropriate stories or when he stomps around the lab stating--"why are there no NORMAL-colored pens here!"

Sleep well ya'll!

Promise...

I promise, as soon any of the overly dramatic annoying horrifying stuff happening right now becomes funny I will write it up.
But let's just say due to a contractual misunderstanding I am not getting another day off for a good 7 months.
Ahhahahaha....nope. Still not funny.
Also, covered in hives again without having ingested mango....ahahahaha.....nope-itchy.
Alright. have a decent one.
-H.

Not exciting

Ok. So falling into the not related to anything I accidentally stepped on a millipede just now. Those little bastards don't hurt you or anything but they stain you.. So there's a new temp tattoo on the bottom of my left foot.
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Huh...

while just googling I typed in "what do I do if" and I realized the first auto suggestion finishes it with "if a ginger kid bites me". is this a large problem I'm unaware of?

Why cats are evil....

So. I'm a dog person. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love them. I always have. When I was 7 I brought home a full sized doberman I stole from a new neighbor (the new neighbor was underwhelmed and my mother was traumatized). More recently I've turned slavering 150lb dogs into lapdogs as well as bent laws to keep my dogs with me.
However, cats and I have never really seen eye to eye. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against cats but they've never been fond of me. Probably given my tendency to chase them around going "kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty".
So when the whole, "I live in the rainforest and holy shit there is a rat in my house a rat. a. RAT. Oh. My. GAWD and mice. Mice. oh my GAWD." problem occurred a cat seemed to be the best answer.
And it was.
Please note: Greebo (the kitty) is doing his job. Living things do not last long round these parts. Many a baby lizard have I caught and tossed outside with a whispered, "run fool! Run!!!" I'm fairly certain my dogs are still alive by sheer mass. Something the size of a pug would be killed and strung up as a warning to other dogs by this cat. (Sorry, he kinda IS that creepy)
As well as my dogs are trained is as well as this cat has me trained.
Tonight we had the following discussion:
"HUMAN!! Open my packet of wet food!"
*me enjoying a movie* "shut up Greebo"
"HUMAN!! Do it now or there will be consequences!"
*goes to take shower, hears CRASH from kitchen, goes into kitchen*
~Greebo looking smug~
*I pick up keys, safety glasses, wallet, and pen from floor*
"Human, last chance!" he meows.
Then, the little bastard twines around my open bottle of diet coke spills it, stands over it, and watches gleefully and it pours all over the counter and onto the floor.
*sighing with resignation I open a packet of food, clean the mess off the counter and floor, take a shower, and go to bed*
Game, set, and match goes to the cat. again.
~sigh~

F#«k My Life.

Soooo, guess what?
It was me. Me. I was the jackass in the meeting.
I swear--went to bed at 10pm last night. Nothing exciting. Woke up before my alarm this morning and felt well rested and awesome. But by the time I got to the work meeting I was draggin ass.
The room was super warm and it took all my concentration to stay awake. I would swear in a court of law I stayed awake, alas, according to 3 co-workers and my boss I looked like hell. And looked like I was sleeping.
Well. Shit.
The only thing I did differently was take 1/2 a sleeping pill last night.
Right. Not doing that again.
~sigh~
You get to look and feel hungover with none of the pleasant affects.
~FUSS~
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My new table...

So, with the help of my neighbor we put together a table. This allows me to eat somewhere Other than my couch. And since my couch is getting an ass-groove to rival Homer Simpsons' it is definitely time.

So, while my neighbor and I were putting together the table that Green Giant commercial came on asking "how long does it take for vegetables to lose nutrients after they're picked?". My neighbor replied, "Long before they make it to St. Croix".
He is not wrong.
:D
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I finally did something embarrassing...

and I know how much fun it is to read about embarrassing stuff I've been up to. So here I was innocently enjoying my Sunday as I watched a marathon of Law & Order when a buzzing sound caused me to look at my counter. There it was. A waspy-stripey-bee-looking-not-a-bee. Now, I am pretty sure that is not it's scientific name however as a descriptor it works.

I am not scared of bee's. I like bees...but remember, this is a 'not-a-bee'. I decided for my sense of comfort to remove the not a bee from my apartment as it appeared to be making sweet sweet love to my beverage straw. I tried to be subtle--I grasped my straw below the not-a-bee and started working my way towards the door.

This is where it all. went. wrong.

Right in front of the door the not-a-bee decided it was done raping my straw and moved on to my stripey pajama pants....apparently the pants' stripes called to the not-a-bee's stripes and he fell in LOVE. I stood stock still, waiting for him to fall out of love with the pants. Finally, what felt like an hour but in reality was about 30 seconds he flew off my pants and began darting at my face....and here is where I screeched like a banshee and ran for my stairs. I. ran. from. a. bug.

and screeched. I am not proud. My big dog, sensing danger of her master running and screaming rolled over and snored. My smaller dog, sensing the danger of his master running and screaming ran the other way.

Once I hit the stairs I looked back for the not-a-bee, there he was, snickering at me from the oatmeal container. I grabbed a shot glass and pinned him to the oatmeal container. Ha ha ha--opposable thumbs win again BIATCH! Then, I took him outside and released said not-a-bee to glorious freedom which he used to fly RIGHT AT MY FACE!! to which I screamed, threw the shot glass at not-a-bee, and ran inside slamming my door.

I'm not proud.

Next time I'm gonna squish it.

Goodnight ya'll

I had a great weekend. Hosted a party with my neighbors--they brought the army hazmat folks; I brought the industrial hygiene folks.
It was great to chat to different people who all had stuff in common.
Sunday was spent doing cleanup, chillin', reassuring my dogs we weren't keeping that rottweiler puppy the other folks brought (no matter HOW FRICKEN' CUTE she was and she was snuggly and had that cuddly puppy belly...but I digress ;) ) and put stuff away.
All in all a successful fun time. Wish I could have brought everyone.
Oooh--irrelevant sidenote: any CIH out there looking for a challenging job in the VI. Contact me for details. A new position just opened up.
Muah!
-H.

So...

I know I owe you all the rest of my story. So I've been trying to find some time....and if I had brought my netbook to THE BAR where I'm waiting for my ACCOUNTANT I would have been able to update you.
Sadly, I am only here with a beer and some depressing tax info.
Thankfully there is beer.
I'm over here on the east side of the island. VERY different vibe over here. So, here's the haps:
Still no job security.
Still no money.
Still no husband here.
and I owe way more in taxes than I have.
~shrugs~ but there is beer. Oh tasty beer.
All will be well; I am not concerned (anymore--had a fun few days of panic). So soon this accountant meeting shall occur. I shall hand him checks. Then home and bed. :)
Hugs to ya'll. Happy tax day!!!

Oh Woe Is Me...

People...I am basically a puddle of eeyore today. Seriously, my first full week back and it has basically sucked my will to live right out of my body. So, while the only thing more pathetic than being a blogger is being a whiney emo blogger, I am still going to explain my week in intricite detail which I am sure will be quite funny to anyone NOT me.

My friend Erin came to visit and with her she brought millions and millions of wee virusy beasties that given our excessive sharing of beverages, food, space, pillows, etc. soon launched themselves into a happy new environment I like to call my body. mmmmm, delicious coughing, sneezing, snuffling. It REALLY didn't help myself that I spent the week drinking like I was on vacation on a tropical island. So, week 1 of the cold goes by....not too bad. Week 2, start to get better...Week 3--getting worse. dammit. feel like crap, know it is a sinus infection. Know that my chicago doctor will not give me anything over the phone because, well, they don't often do that. This led me to do 2 of the 3 things I have been afraid to do because I was certain it would seal my fate and get me voted off this island once and for all. The three things are as follows:

• 
  
  get a primary doctor


• 
  
  get an on-island dentist


• 
  
  buy new fire retardant coveralls

Why these three things in my mind assured me of getting booted off this rock I do not know. I'm superstitious by nature. *shrugs*. So, on monday when my pounding head and fever FINALLY got me down I called and made an appointment with an "internist". Then fearing the spiral was already in effect on Tuesday I went to the safety store and bought 3 new pairs of fire retardant coveralls. Because really, why not go out in style? and No. I did not get a dentist. Because board certified dentists who give me nitrous to clean my teeth in the states scare me, let alone some dude with a coconut and a chisel (no, this is not accurate, yes, this is anti-island, I don't feel good and am whiney, WAH!) My appointment was for Wednesday.

So fast forwarding through the mental breakdown that was Tuesday (didn't get paid, freaked out, wrote an incredibly long email to HR which literally included the fact that I was getting made fun of in my worn out coveralls (fashion matters EVERYWHERE people) but because I hadn't been paid I could not afford new ones), they wired me the money, I went and bought coveralls, tuesday over, went home and went to bed before the sun went down. Have I mentioned that I am a touch dramatic when I am sick? Cause I am. And I am well aware it is not pretty.

Wednesday morning I woke up bright and early (cause you know, went to sleep at like 7PM) and grabbed a new shiny pair of coveralls, donned them and looked like a 4 year old in her mother's pajamas because I hadn't washed (aka shrunk) them yet. Whatever, new coveralls...off to work.

And here is where I have to stop for a minute, lay my head down, and remember....because this is so embarassingly awkward. Folks, I don't know if you have noticed...but I'm a talker. And sometimes I'm....mmmm, how do you say, an inappropriately sarcastic talker. So, put me in a meeting (and feverish) and you get....well, "awkward Heather". I wanted to write about the horror of this meeting moment earlier this week, I just wasn't ready to face it yet.

Okay, I'm ready. So, there is this thing going on, they were talking about handshakes with a lot of people. I asked the occupational nurse with a sarcastic little head tilt...."so, flu season's over right? maybe we should just switch to fist bumping". ahaha haha ha. I'm soooo witty. *blink* This turned into a 20 minute argument regarding hand sanitzation, breaks to wash hands, would it be offensive to hand sanitize after each handshake...(expletive!). I couldn't even look at my boss. It was horrific. It was all my fault. It was silly. GACK! Sarcastic co-worker looked at me and mouthed, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!?". It was horrible. Like a train wreck. Started a new mantra that morning. Must. Shut. Up. it's simple, to the point, and so very very true.

THEN....

I had to leave work to make it to my doctors appointment. Holy crap. I will finish this post later. It gets worse. so very very much worse.

**okay, it's 2 days later, in a much better mood, but still struggling with how to write up this doctor visit**

You should all know that there are two sides to me...there is the hippie spiritual earthy Heather. This is the Heather that used to want to work as an outdoorsie researcher, live in a tent, bathe in cattle ponds. Hippie Heather (HH for short) is very spiritual and big into long flowy skirts and recycling.

Then there is the wry, sarcastic, kinda bitchy, practical, and anxious side of me. This side of me is completely at odds with the other one.

So imagine the non-hippie Heather meeting up with a doctor for the first time who is studying (or so it turns out) to be a Shaman. I had a serious devil/angel on my shoulder. The devil version of me said, "don't encourage the hippie crackpot--HOLY hell! she wants to take away our anti anxiety medication-aaaaaaaaahhhhh" The angel side said, "explain to her that you know all about Chakras and that it is more the hearth/home yellow Chakra that...." next thing I know the shoulder angel/devils are in a knock down drag out of doom.

And there I was, just trying to get something to knock out the sinus infection...

sadly (yes, sadly) the story continues....

but for now, have an awesome night.

Muah!

-H

Monday

Hiyaz! Holy crap am I tired. Not (sadly) physically tired more I administrated my butt off today answering emails and scheduling crap....and by crap I mean C.R.A.P.--Completely Relevant And 'Portant
So now I'm laying here in bed ready to sleep and my mind is racing although (sadly) with nothing of profound interest.
This is sad, but I just literally looked around on my nightstand looking for something of interest to say....cripes. I got nuthin tonight folks.
Have a great night, work and drive safe, eat fiber, take vitamin D, and joke 'em if they can't take a f#*k.
;)
Muah!
-H.

Welcome Back Slackah!

Sorry everyone, I have ever so much to say but I took a much needed vacation from my own life. It was great. But, as ever, by putting off feelings, projects, and stressors when it's time to face them again it is a touch overwhelming. Color me overwhelmed.

Let's see, where to begin...the wednesday before vacation. I was innocently (sure, we can call it that) busting my butt trying to get work done and organized before my vacation. My boss says, hey, you should go to this meeting. mmm'kay. Meetings are spiffy. Sometimes I'm lonely and like to sit in a room where none of us are as dumb as all of us. There was a dude a chatterin' up front and he started going on (and on and on) about his hatred of (imagine darth vader marching music) consultants. After a good long rant where I felt like I should shrink into my own skin he said--oh, I hope there are no consultants in here...I raised my hand and awkward laughter ensued. Following that the "acknowledgements" occurred. They went out of their way to thank people for all their work on the turnaround specifically my coworker and boss. *blink* I sighed, and if I am going to be honest I felt kinda woobly inside--now at this point my boss totally knee'd me under the table. This knee thump meant 2 very specific things to me 1. Don't freak out and 2. I know how hard you worked and it is very appreciated. The knee thump meant more than any printed certificate ever could. However, that didn't mean I didn't start making a list of "people who my ass needs to contact ASAP to find a new job (and then for some reason my brain switched to a ghetto accent) 'cause theze biatches' don't 'preciate me an if they wanna hate on me-suck it-i'm out." My boss then like made a big deal about well, we couldn't have done it without Heather...blah blah blah. Good Boss! and no, you can't say that without sounding condescending. I totally tried.

So, then thursday (my last day before vacation-wooo!) I worked until like 6pm zipping around then I got home officially on vacation and babysat for the neighbors. Yup, I am not so good at kids. Whenever she got annoying I told her that her parents said I was a babysitter and I think that means I am supposed to sit on you until you behave. That seemed to work.

Then Friday, blessed Friday....Started drinking as soon as I picked up my friends, bought a mattress...then there was a week of debauched funnery. Came up for air at one point when I realized I had not been paid (wtf?) and it turns out there was an error in banking. I tell you about this blip that caused me to be paid 4 days late for a reason.

Fast forward to the last days of March. Yet again not paid. hrmmm, they said they forgot to pay me my per diem (the thing that pays my rent) ruh-roh. They said no worries it would be paid by thursday. mmmkay.

Back to work on Wednesday--as I'm blearily putting on my boots in the parking lot (had not been up that early in a VERY long time) this little dude says, Hey--you have been picked again for the Random Urine Test. As my eyes rolled farther back into my head that I may have seen my own brain I thought. Of course I did. This magical random system has randomly picked me every week (- the one week I was on vacation) for the last month. Sure. Random. Whatever.

I could entertain you all with the fact that during the repeated testing and due to the fact I have no modesty whatsoever I continued to maintain conversations as I attempted to pee in a tiny cup (btw--I will never be able to write my name in the snow--no accuracy whatsoever) I feel it more important to let you some things *not* to do. Do not bring up interesting studies about how undiagnosed diabetics can actually create ethanol which would cause them to blow positive on a breathalyser. No matter how interesting I think that is, the drug nurse people then ask terse questions like--so does that mean you are letting me know you are going to fail? uh, no. I just thought it was an interesting study that given it's pertinence to your career of playing with my urine and breath I thought you would be interested in. Turns out that went over as well as that time I got a speeding ticket and asked the cop when the last time they calibrated their radar because it seemed horribly inaccurate. Three breathalysers later the nurse finally agreed that zero was my result. I'm learning not everyone is interested in everything I am interested in.

Thursday comes along and I didn't get my per diem. Red Rage Descends. So with the entire lack of power that I have I whined to the one person I know in the company I work for.

Which got me basically no-where (shocking) and then I found out that (insert law and order Dun-Dun) where I work really DOES hate consultants and I should start looking for a new job.

White Hot Panic Descends....so then I spent the rest of the day working, panicking, working, panicking, getting pissed, getting sad, and then working some more.

And now here I am, Saturday night with a decided attitude of meh. I have to go into work tomorrow for a short time to check some stuff...but not for long.

Again, meh.

So Thursday was my panic day, Friday was my stay in bed all day F my life day (until I realized I was nearly outa diet coke and was like holy crap--gotta leave the house), and now Saturday is I need to update my blog real bad.

and now it is done.

Hope everyone feels updated on my life thus far. No, I don't really know what is happening but this life has been pretty interesting so far! :)

muah!

-H.

StayCation

Hi. I’m sorry, I ‘vacated’ for a while there. It was awesome. Any boy oh boy does the real world SUCK. I shall tell you why soon enough but for a quick re-cap of my “stay-cation” two close friends came down to visit and we had much fun. Sure, they dragged me out of bed in the mornings to, as they say, “do stuff” but it turns out that doing stuff—even if that is only sleeping at the beach—is kinda fun.

So, happy vacation and soon I will have new pics showing on the blog.

In the interim here are my friend’s pics:

http://s1036.photobucket.com/albums/a444/e_hohler/Saint%20Croix%202010/

and here are mine:

Hi. I’m sorry, I ‘vacated’ for a while there. It was awesome. Any boy oh boy does the real world SUCK. I shall tell you why soon enough but for a quick re-cap of my “stay-cation” two close friends came down to visit and we had much fun. Sure, they dragged me out of bed in the mornings to, as they say, “do stuff” but it turns out that doing stuff—even if that is only sleeping at the beach—is kinda fun.

So, happy vacation and soon I will have new pics showing on the blog.

In the interim here are links to my pics and my friend's:

http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y189/heathea/STX%202010/

http://s1036.photobucket.com/albums/a444/e_hohler/Saint%20Croix%202010/

3-10-2010

Darn you Doctor Radio! Darn you all to heck!

Do you know I was drifting off to sleep, listening to the sounds of strangers’ medical problems. Enjoying a bit of schadenfreude on things I didn’t have, seeing if there was some new knowledge on things I did have, and feeling a little bitter at the braggarts (I lost 50lbs blah blah blah—shadddup)…

Then, it happened. That program ended—Goodbye guy in Texas with heart problems, Goodbye hypothyroid lady in Colorado, and Goodbye erectile dysfunction man in New York—I loved you all.

The next program started and filled me with a cold fear unlike any I have ever had before. All of a sudden I am sitting up in bed in the dark listening intently and all I can wonder is

ARE MY BITS FALLING OUT!!!??!??!!!

Yes, for those of you women (and men) out there I got sucked into the terrifying nightmare of vaginal, cervical, and uterine prolapse. Now, to be fair, the doctor giving the talk was very clear, concise, intelligent, and just downright good. She explained the biomechanics of how it can happen (women are made to be more elastic than men—kinda cool, but then again, kinda not), the genetic component (did any of your relatives have bits hanging out of them? Chances are you will too), and how many women have to be counseled that this is something that is not their fault (I get it—I would be wiggin’ out myself—but really, medical shit happens and since we humans are surviving well past our sell by dates these days it just looks like we are going to have to spackle ourselves together as best we can). The host of this particular show (may that melodramatic fear monger rot, and let me tell you why) had one catch phrase that she kept saying over and over and over and over and over, “…and sometimes women just feel stuff hanging between their legs…” This farkin’ sentence has got me squeezing my thighs together like a nun on a high holy day. What. The. Hell?!?! If my cervix ever falls out I surely hope I notice something is amiss before I suddenly have a new appendage just a’danglin.

So, on that charming note of new appendagry I shall leave you to enjoy the rest of your day.

Muah!

-H.

(and ladies—keep it together. *snicker*)

Sorry, sorry...

So, I know it's been a while. Honestly, I just haven't felt like writing much. I was almost to the point of blogging my internal monologue--which, lemme tell ya, not exciting. Do you really wanna know that today I skipped breakfast and then had to snarf a granola bar at around 10:30 to stop my stomach from growling? Or that last night my new neighbors brought me spaghetti and it made me wonder what it is about me that screams out, "unable to find food"?
Amusing, yes--hoo-larious, no.
I guess part of the reason I've been embracing this writers block is that I am hesitant to write about work on this blog. Recently, one of my favorite bloggists (2birds1blog.com) got fired due to hers. Damn shame, especially because I found her explanations of Boss #1 and Boss #2 hoo-larious.
But, things are a' hattenin. I am having HOUSEGUESTs. Two lovely ladies I have known for years (who have both been here before) are coming back. Let the debauchery/hoolarity/vacation begin!
Oops, not yet. 2 more days of work first.
Both fly in on Friday.
Yippeeee vacation.
Yippeeee friends.
Yippeeee obnoxiousness.
Ooops. Not yet. Sorry. 2 more days of work.
THEN the loud fun-ness of Not reading my email and Not looking at text messages and Singing (yes, we sing) and Joyful vacation shall commence.
*minor preemptive happy dance*
Okay.
Breathe.
Fun later.
Not now.

Hugs!
-H.

The Fauna of my Potty

Hello hello!

So, turnaround is done (YAY!!) or at least my part is done. I'm not too sure everything is up and running as yet...but the industrial hygiene rented equipment has been returned and I am back to my rat race of normalcy. Important thing learned: you can not get as much done in 8 hours as you could in 12. Just saying. :)

So, I know it's monday and usually on mondays I give you some medical lecture on random crap that you may or may not care about. But not tonight. Tonight I want to tell you about Priscilla. Priscilla is not a human, she is a spider, and in all honesty she may not be female (how the crap would I know, it's not like I can lift a tail here). About a month ago I noticed a little spider with red legs and a big round whatever the butt side of a spider is called. I do not know why Priscilla intrigues me, maybe because she never leaves my bathroom shelf...not quite sure. But, Priscilla is growing...and the amount of dead insects below her web that is now attached to my crystal deodorant and facial exfoliant (both of which I do not use because I don't want to disturb her) is INSANE. Now, I know I'm a little odd (or so my teachers said in elementary school) but here is the best part--I'm not alone in my oddness. One of my closest friends in the world sent me a text message a while ago that asked, "is it weird that I worry that the spider in my apartment may not have enough food?" At that time I had a colony of yellowish spiders living in my truck and I had to explain that I had the SAME concern.

As you should know by now I live in the rainforest and there is a plethora of beauty and nature and a hella lotta living critters my cat (Greebo) is doing his damnedest to destroy. In my never ending attempt to avoid cleaning up after my pets Greebo has been given free range in and out of the house by way of the bathroom window. This window had a screen which I removed. This has reduced my litter box duty to almost nothing (WIN!!) while allowing nature to infiltrate my bathroom (FAIL!!). There has been a number of tree frogs (which I carefully catch and remove), disturbingly large bugs (which I show the cat and then leave), and a bajillion lizards (which unless they are very tiny (aka cute) I let the Lizard Gods decide their fate).

Sadly, this is a posting that has no real climax. Nothing exciting has happened with the spider or any other fauna which has wandered in. In fact, my life continues to chug along per as normal. Sometimes I forget I live in paradise and then get shocked when I'm stopped by a heard of loose goats or horses or sheep. Sometimes there is a large group on young islanders riding horses down the median of the highway--bareback of course. Although the best 'you ain't in kansas anymore dorothy' moment happened on Saturday. I was driving along and things got really slow. I (mostly) patiently waited my turn to pass the obstacle and as got right behind the obstacle I WISHED I had someone with me to take a picture. Sadly, I did not so let's see if I can paint you a word picture: Picture a man, approximately 50 years old. Shirtless with SERIOUS muscles--but scrawny. Riding a bicycle with different sized tires and a wheelbarrow hitched backwards to the bicycle by some duct-taped impressive harness-y thing. Now, the "crowning" glory of this was that he was wearing a triangular straw hat with the top cut off and his impressive amount of dreadlocks fed through the top. There was so friggin much to see it was impossible to know where to look. It was truly awesome.

Sometimes I think I need one of those dashboard cameras the cops have. :)

Goodnight everyone!

-H

Painfully Random

Many thanks to my friend Becky for giving me the best blooming tea present ever. I just watched this tea "bloom" while saying, "weeeeeeeeeeeee! And clapping my hands". Then I realized I was not 5 years old....then I said screw it and said, "weeeeeeeeee!" once again.
Find the joy in the little things people. :D

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Day is done...

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East east east.

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I am as far east as the US goes...

Point Udall
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Point Udall.

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Heading east...

:D

Shoys Beach

Shoys Beach

Today I'm touring the island, remembering why I love it here.

Good Morning Iguana.

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