Why Communism Doesn't Work...

I'm not going to lie; a lot of me wants to be the free and easy lets all just put money in the pot and take what we need kind of person. But it turns out I'm not that. I am, instead, kind of a heartless selfish bitch. So, while part of me has always wanted to go live on a hippie commune and grow my own food the realist part of me says, yeah, but how do I pay for pizza? And you know there would be a SMACK DOWN on the first hairy-armpit that tried to steal my last slice. So, while generosity is a trait I strive for, it turns out about certain things I get snatchy and snarly:

• diet coke: do *not* take my diet coke. Do not even look at my last diet coke. I will fly over my kitchen island and smack that shit right out of your hand in a kung fu move normally only seen on television.
• netflix: If I lend you a movie; get that shit in the mail the next day. maybe 2. Because otherwise--what. the. hell. I'm paying for shit to sit at your house. gee, that's satisfying.
• books: not all books, not even most books--but I have about a dozen books that I do *not* like to lend and if you are on the list of people who are lucky enough to borrow them you better believe I am going to check up on your progress, interest, and health and well being of my book--possibly daily.
• caps/lids: I am aware that this is some fucked up shit. I am. But if I lend you something, please do not lose the cap or lid from it. I don't know why, but receiving something back without the cap/lid (you know, like the plastic thing over the spray nozzle?) completely ruins that product for me and I want to throw it away. An example of this is some dog stuff I lent someone to cure a dog owie. It was a spray bottle, it came back without the cap. I had to hide it in a cabinet. Also, my husbands man-hands overtightened the cap on a bottle of mouthwash, cracking it. I am desperately trying to use this mouthwash before I freak out and throw it all away. Yes, I *am* this nuts.

I'm sure there are more things; this is just all that came to me this morning. In case you haven't noticed, there is a slight tone to this post. In the past I have tried *so* hard to keep the posts all sweetness and light; but cripes folks...I've been here 10 months and 8 days, that's a lot of friggin sweetness and light.

So, prepare for a few sarcastic, grumpy, and probably hoo-larious postings. Because what it all comes down to is I'm me. And I sure as hell ain't all sweetness and light.

Hugs & Kisses!

-H.